Men's Fraternity
The Quest for Authentic Manhood
Can we create a win-win Relationship?
If we're honest about relationships, we'll admit that there are some people with whom we want to spend time and others with whom we don't. What separates the good relationships we desire from the ones that don't do anything for us? The answer is synergy. Some relationships are a win – win. They add value to both parties, and that is rewarding.
I believe that every relationship has the potential to be a win-win, though not all relationships achieve that quality. But when both parties enter a relationship with an investment mind set after having connected and built trust with each other, a win – win relationship is often the result.
The wonderful thing about win – win relationships is that they can be forged in every area of life and all kinds of relationship: between husbands and wives, parents and children, friends and neighbors, bosses and employees. If both parties sustain a giving attitude and both are having their needs met, then the relationship can become something truly special. They may provide each other unconditional love. Or one person may provide loyal admiration, and the other security. One may provide mentoring, and the other gratitude. One may build the business, and the other may provide a paycheck. As long as both parties experience consistent wins in areas they value, they develop synergy.
The following principles can help:
1. The Boomerang Principle: When we help others, we help ourselves.
2. The Friendship Principle: All things being equal, people will work with people they like; all things not being equal, they still will.
3. The Partnership Principle: Working together increases the odds of winning together.
4. The Satisfaction Principle: In great relationships, the joy of being together is enough.
In the long run, lopsided relationships don’t last. If one person is doing all the giving and the other is doing all the receiving, the giver will eventually become worn out. And ironically the taker will become dissatisfied because they will feel they are not receiving enough. The only way to build a positive, long lasting relationship is to make sure everybody wins!
(*from the book entitled “Winning with People” by John Maxwell.)
- Tony DiGirolamo
People Skills
What kind of price would you put on good people skills? Ask the successful CEO's of major corporations what characteristic is most needed for success in leadership positions and they'll tell you it's the ability to work with people. Interview entrepreneurs to find out what separated the successes from failures, and they will tell you that it is skills with people. Talk to top sales salespeople and they'll tell you that people knowledge is much more important than mere product knowledge, Sit down with teachers and tradesmen, shop foremen and small business owner, pastors and parents, and they'll tell you that people skills make the difference between those who excel and those who don't. People sills are invaluable. It doesn't matter want you want to do. If you can win with people, you can win!
All of life's successes come from initiating relationships with the right people and then strengthening those relationships by using good people skills. Likewise, life's failures can usually be traced back to people. Sometimes the impact is obvious. Becoming entangled with an abusive spouse, a crooked partner, or a codependent family member is going to causes great damage. Other times the trouble is less dramatic, such as alienating a coworker that you must interact with every day, failing to build a positive relationship with an important client, or missing key opportunities to encourage an insecure child. The bottom line is this: people can usually trace their successes and failures to the relationships in their lives.
From Winning with People.
Spiritual Leadership in the Home
Contrary to what many may teach, Leadership in the home in not about power or control. In (Eph 5:21) Paul asks for mutual submission and call husbands to be Christ-figures in (Eph 5:23-25). And how did Christ lead the church? He provided, taught, wept, healed, and died on a cross. Spiritual leadership means giving up yourself for someone else. It means assuming responsibility for health and development of you relationships. Consider the following home leadership in each of the following categories:
1. Initiative - Do I give direction and take responsibility for my primary relationships?
2. Intimacy - Do I experience intimacy with God and others through open Conversations?
3. Influence - Do I exercise biblical influence by encouraging and developing others?
4. Integrity - Do I lead a honest life, unashamed of who I am when no one is looking?
5. Identity- Am I secure in who I am in Christ? Or am I defensive?
6. Inner Character - Do I exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in my life? Including self-discipline?
Leadership Thought for the week: Competence:
Competence goes beyond words. It's the leader's ability to say it, plan it, and do it in such
a way that others know that you know how and know that they want to follow you. If you want to cultivate that quality, here's what you have to do:
1. Show up Every Day:
Responsible people show when they're expected. But highly competent people take it a step further. They don't show up in body only. They come ready to play every day no matter how they feel, what kind of circumstances they face, or how difficult they expect the game to be.
2. Keep Improving:
All highly competent people continually search for ways to keep learning, growing, and improving. They do that by asking why. The person who knows how will always have a job, but the person who knows why will always be the boss.
3. Follow Through With Excellence:
Competent people follow through. Quality is never an accident; it always the result of high intentions, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives. As a leader, we expect our people to follow through when we hand them the ball. They expect that and a whole lot more from their leader.
4. Accomplish More than Expected:
Highly competent people always go the extra mile. For them, good enough is never good enough. Some people feel a weakening of the need to be to be a great person and an increase feeling of "Let just get through this the best we can." Never mind hitting a home run. Leaders cannot have that kind of attitude. They need to do the job, and then some, day in and day out.
5. Inspire Others:
Highly competent leaders do more than perform at a high level. They inspire and motivate their people their people to do the same. While some people rely on relational skills alone to survive, effective leaders combine these skills with high competence to take their organizations to new levels of excellence and influence.
Dr. Tony DiGirolamo
Teaching Manhood to Men
by Dr. Tony DiGirolamo
Last year the church introduced Men's Fraternity to our church by teaching "The Quest for Authentic Manhood" to the men of our church. There are over 2,000 churches in America who are teaching this curriculum today. What is gratifying to me is the impact the curriculum had on the men who completed the first course. It changed their lives. We all learned things about ourselves we never knew. It made us leaders in our home and servant leaders in our church. David Alberson is currently teaching the course again for the men who missed it the first time.
Starting August 28, 2007 I will be teaching the next course which is titled, "WINNING AT WORK AND HOME." It is a 16 week course that will be taught on Tuesday mornings from 6:00 to 7:00 AM. Those who have the time can stay for the Small Group Discussion. You do not have to have completed the first course to attend. Coffee and donuts will be served before class.
The course focuses on the two area's that are central to a man's life: His career and his family. This journey builds the walls of manhood by dealing with such topics as understanding women, marriage, sex, dating, conflict, money, parenting and the world of work. The curriculum comes with a host of practical applications. There will be a workbook used with the course. We will have a sign up booth in the foyer during the middle of August. There will be a formal graduation in the sanctuary when the course is completed.
WHAT YOU WILL GAIN BY COMPLETING THIS COURSE:
First, men need a safe place where they know someone understands them and they are not alone. If men feel welcome and understood, they will let their hair down and interact with other men over issues that have been stuffed in their souls for years.
Second, men need a compelling vision of biblical masculinity that they can grasp. Men need to know what God intended for them. This vision will inspire and lift them during moments of challenge in the work place and home.
Third, men need time to effectively process their manhood. That is why the a men's ministry should be more than a periodic rally. Seminars and rallies are excellent for motivating men but do not provide enough time for processing their masculinity.
Fourth, men need to practice how-to's they can use and taste success with. The information on personal design, marriage, family, career, etc. of men must connect with their day-to-day experience.
Fifth, men need male cheer leaders. These can be special peers or older who can come alongside to listen and offer encouragement.
Sixth, men need a sacred moment where they know they have become not just a man but a biblical man. Men need a reference point where they know they have crossed over into the promised land of responsible manhood and will stay there and grow.
Finally, men need the church and the pastors to lead men to reclaim a biblical manhood.
In addition, each student will receive a weekly e-mail "Leadership and People Skills" thought for the week. Next year we will teach the third course titled "The Great Adventure. " We will then repeat the whole curriculum. To start anything in life, we need to take the first step.